When you love someone, you want them to be happy, no matter where that puts you. You want the best for them, you want to be there for them, you want to devote your life to them.
So, when a man hits you, does he love you? When he shoves you against walls, throws things at you, and apologizes later, does he love you?
No, I don't think he does.
When someone loves you, they want you to be happy, no matter where that puts them. They want the best for you, to devote their life to you. NOT TO HURT YOU!
When he begs and pleads even though he knows he's hurting you inside, when he manipulates you, runs your life, hates it when you hang out with anyone but him, gets mad at you for stupid reasons, and scares you, does he love you? No. He doesn't
But when you look into his eyes, and you love him so much, and you think about him all the time, and you break up with him for your own good, when you want him back even though he hurts you, when you miss him even though you were the one to walk away, when you're afraid to give that other guy the chance he deserves, because you want to run back to the abuse, do you love him?
Yes. You do. But he doesn't love you. And you did the right thing.
The right thing doesn't always seem right. It can hurt, make you cry all the time, but in the end, you will be happy. You can't see it now, but you will. You can't always see the silver lining to the cloud, but it is there.
The man that you once thought loved you, is really nothing more than an insecure little boy. You promise yourself that things will get better with him, but they never do. You promise that he won't hit you again, he won't shove you against that wall, he won't throw those movies at your head, but he does. You promise yourself that he has changed, that he really loves you, but he hasn't, and he doesn't.
That's not love. Yes, there are good times in between. Where he says he loves you and it seems like he means it, where you laugh and have a good time, you don't fight, he makes you happy.
But it always comes to an end. There will always be the fight, and each time it will get worse. Each time he goes a little farther, knowing that he scares you. Each time he won't listen, each time he loses himself a little more.
Abuse isn't love. You fool yourself into thinking he cares, into believing that he must love you if he cares enough to hit you. He hits you because he knows you'll stay, knows he can control you. He hits you because it gives him power, not because he loves you. In the end, you won't make it out alive. In the end, you will be broken. In the end..it will be..the end.
source noise blog.
